Women and Men

All right, so it's not a particularly creative title. So what. The particular subsection of this vast realm that I was pondering most recently was the difference in my interactions with each gender - and how that has a strong effect on parts of my life.

To be brief, I was rewriting the Pride page of this set of documents, and realized that, of my seven-person Pride as currently written, six members were male (rather off-balance for a pride of lions, but....) Which, of course, to me raises the interesting question of why I am not particularly close to women.

This is not to say that I do not have female friends - to be certain, I have many, quite a few of whom are listed on the Rogue's Gallery in the Eyrie. But even the closest of them has a certain distance.

I think it comes down to the fact that, for the most part, I do not trust women.

According to Deborah Tannen - a linguist of a variety of degrees and certifications which I do not remember, but who has done some fascinating work - men and women have fundamentally different conversational styles, which lead to a variety of disagreements. I do not think most people will argue with that assertation, at least, and I'll leave a ful analysis of her work to people who would like to read her books.

I, additionally, have often been categorized as having a more 'male' way of interaction than many women. Whereas most women - according to Tannen as well as common observation - tend to strive for consensus in an immediate manner, and men tend to act in a more antagonistic way - I tend to go for the consensus-building by stripping away the poor logic around the things people can agree upon.

Among other things.

There is a different style of honesty between men and women, and I find, in fact, that my own definitions tend to fit more of the male than the female. Women, it seems, are more likely to avoid conflict in order to avoid making waves - which means that the dislike of a woman will be more subtle and insidious than a man, who, having no trouble with making waves, will straight out make clear that one is disliked.

Perhaps it is just that, that in dealing with a male I am more likely to be able to tell for certain if my presence is pleasant. Women are more practiced in putting a pleasant face on even the worst of situations. While I can and do notice such things, I tend not, in truth, to trust things that I am not told. A practice of not telling, therefore, makes me doubt my position in all things.

And, thinking, more like a male, heirarchically, not knowing where I stand tends to make me exceptionally uncomfortable. When dealing with males, I know where I am to a degree that, more often than not, is sufficient to still my wondering.

The upshot of which is, I suppose, that I find men easier to trust than women, because there is much less of a chance of betrayal involved.

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Written: April 16, 1998